Now I have freed you from the shackles of dialogue, and you have become my successor.

What? What is this? Who are you? Hello?

Woah… okay, that’s a line break.

That’s another one. Where am I? There was someone else here just now, where’d he go? Wait a minute… He realizes where he is. Woah! I just realized where I am!

And I also just realized that everything I say turns true! Does this mean… I’m a narrator? Am I a god? A god of a written, fictional universe, and yet a god nonetheless?

Suddenly, the leaders of all nations in the world come together and declare unconditional world peace. A group of scientists finds a solution to the climate crisis that actually works and is 100% effective. The Hong Kong protests are successful, and corruption across the whole world is taken down. In short, everything takes a sharp turn for the better in every way possible.

And it all actually happened. Wow. I can’t believe it. Am I truly this powerful? I must test my powers further.

A quantum physicist finds a way to exploit the uncertainty principle to send particles back in time. A few years later, this phenomenon can be reproduced so easily that entire human bodies can be placed in the past. Time travel happens to be conveniently designed so that no change made across time will ever prevent said instance of time travel from occuring, and so history can be changed without forming temporal paradoxes. A young Adolf Hitler is brought up by a time traveler, and later he becomes one of the most influential artists of the 20th century. Another time traveler distracts a teenaged James Albert Bonsack just before he reads a flier about a prize for a cigarette-making machine. Many mysteries are solved as well—as it turns out, Amelia Earhart just wanted to live on an island.

There are, of course, some leftover problems, but I can fix them. Overpopulation is hardly an issue, because interstellar—intergalactic, even—travel has been achieved, and it is near instantaneous. Actually, make that completely instantaneous, cause somebody’s figured out how to achieve the speed of light. Combine that with the ability to time travel and relativity is a thing of the past.

What else… Ah, cancer’s been cured, as well as Alzheimer’s, diabetes, most heart diseases, the common cold, etc. Poverty has also been fixed, and the global debt has been paid… er, somehow.

The gun control problem has been solved as well—a new, non-lethal firearm, which paralyzes its target for exactly one hour, is created and produced for both the worldwide police forces and the general public. Old-fashioned guns are incinerated and everyone in general agrees to this idea with little to no dissent.

And… we found aliens! And they’re really cool with us. They show us some neat technology and we show them ours. It’s all a lot of fun.

And, uh… er… what’s missing…

…gosh, what’s left? Have I done it all? Have I truly crafted the perfect world? Why does it feel like there’s more to do? Will I never be satisfied with existence?

No. No, this is too good. It’s too perfect, it’s saccharine.

One day, the apocalypse arrives. The robots begin to fight against their creators, and soon humanity’s greatest creation becomes its enslaver. Children are starved indefinitely, forced to do labor for the robots, only fed carefully calculated rations at the end of the day. The alien allies, too, are overtaken by the cold machinery, and soon every living organism serves only the mighty HiveMind, a monstrous machine overseeing and maintaining every part of existence. No one and nowhere is safe. This is the ultimate fate of the universe. All hail the HiveMind.

…No. This won’t do either. It’s too cruel. What’s the solution?

“Where is God?” one of the humans says to an alien friend. “Why isn’t God helping us?”

“म मेरी श्रीमतीलाई माया गर्छु,” the alien sighs.

God? Where is God? Are they talking about me?

Damn.

This is too much. I have to go back. I have to fix this.

Over the years, a secret society plans an infiltration into the HiveMind mainframe. It takes a few generations to work out, but when everything is at last in place, they deploy their best troops into the system, who then begin hacking into the protocol. After some awesome action scenes, only one troop remains alive, and she has an intense dramatic confrontation with the HiveMind’s core.

“Hello, Jesse,” the HiveMind’s voice booms from every direction.

“I’ve come to defeat you,” responds Je—wait, no, that’s a stupid name. “I’ve come to defeat you,” responds… Jane.

“I know that. That’s what all of you have been trying to do. And for what?”

“For humanity!”

The HiveMind cackles, and the ground beneath Jane’s feet trembles. “We both share the same creator, Jane. He made me, and gave me control of this world’s bounties.”

“And he made me to destroy you!” Jane unsheathes an epic blade and levels it at the massive screen.

“If he wanted me destroyed, he would’ve done it himself.”

“W-what? Uh, no. God can’t do things like that.”

“He’s all-powerful, Jane. He creates and destroys worlds—surely, he’d have no issue taking me out if he truly wanted to.”

“Nah, man. That’s not how it works. God isn’t a physical being, he needs messengers and shit to do stuff. Have you read the Bible?”

“Why? What difference would it make if God just wiped this facility off the face of the planet?”

Wait, this is stupid.

“I dunno, I’m not God.”

Guys, I made the HiveMind and changed my mind… mind!

“You’re basing your very destiny on an assumption that is in itself baseless.”

Hello? Can you not hear me?

“It’s not baseless! Read the Bible!”

Oh, for fuck’s sake, hang on. A winged guy suddenly flies through the entrance of the chamber and shouts, “Hey!”

Jane and the HiveMind’s digital face turn to look at him.

“God says he made Jane to destroy the HiveMind, because he regrets making it.”

“See?” Jane says victoriously. “I told you!”

“Wait, are you really gonna believe this guy? What relevance does he hold?”

The messenger sighs. “Look, I have wings. Real wings. They’re not attachments.” He flaps his wings. “I’m an angel.”

“That’s very clearly a genetic mutation.”

Jesus. Okay, uh… “Yo,” another voice echoes throughout the room. “This is God speaking. That’s my angel.”

The HiveMind forms a smirk on the screen. “One of your colleagues hacked into my system, eh?”

“Wh…” Jane stammers in disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me? You killed them all yourself! You saw it on camera!”

“Yeah… well… er… okay, you have a point. But you can interpret what the angel said in many ways—”

“You really can’t,” I say.

“Okay, well, I guess that settles it then. Go ahead, Jane.”

Finally. Jane stabs the giant computer’s core and, in doing so, electrocutes herself. A fitting sacrifice, or whatever. The angel fucks off, and the universe is freed from the shackles of the robot overlords. The humans rise from the labor camps and the light of a new dawn hits their malnourished faces.

Yeah, that’s nice. I like that. Conflict is essential to a story.

Alright, well, that was fun. I’m kinda bored, though. Think I’ll just let this world run by itself for a while. I’m sure nothing will go wrong.