“Well, I’ll be! I guess abstract mathematical concepts do exist as physical phenomena!”

The number 1 looks up at the mathematician. “Are you my daddy?” it asks.

The mathematician wonders: after all, the concept of the number 1 was forged from the minds of the mathematicians of the long gone eras. Perhaps then they were not considered anything above the average caveman, and yet they were the catalyst of the greatest human creation—the idea of unity, of 1-ness. And so, would that make the number 1 the offspring of the mathematician’s ancient ancestors?

“No, 1; I am your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-nephew. And I promise to take good care of you.”

The mathematician adds 4 to the number 1. Then he factorializes it. Then he divides it by 2. Then he adds 9 to it.

“W-what have you done to me, father?”

“I’ve made you into the funny sex number. Everyone shall marvel at my works now! Come with me, 69—let’s make some money.”

But 69 isn’t having none of it. It’s far too horny to produce cash. It runs away in the opposite direction, sprinting through the thicket with its Arabic-numeral legs.

“No, come back!” the mathematician screeches. “We can make a fortune!”

“I already have my fortune!” 69 moans, drooling all over the dried up autumn leaves on the forest floor. “I love 0!” (Not 0 factorial; the exclamation mark is meant to indicate a strong feeling and loud volume here)

The number 0 appears from behind one of the trees, jumps on 69 and begins making passionate love to the funny sex number. They align themselves so that each number’s mouth is near the other’s genitals, each simultaneously performing oral sex on the other. This goes on for some time until 69 accidentally slips through 0’s hole, dividing itself by the latter and causing a breach in the spacetime continuum.

“Aw, man,” 0 muttered sadly. “We stained the fabric of reality again.”

“It’s okay, I’ll get a new one.” 69 leans in to plant a kiss on 0.

“Yeah? You can do that?”

“Sure, 0. The universe is our playground—these physical phenomena are but playthings we beget. There is nothing about them we ought to concern ourselves with. There is only us, in this eternal embrace of mathematical love.”

“I guess so.” 0 kisses 69 on the 6. “Well, goodnight, babe.”

“Goodnight.”